Day 1

I've wanted to be a mother my entire life, so it's funny that I titled this Day 1. Day 1 started when I was very little, and I realized that someday, someone would call me "Mommy". I dreamt of the day I would get married so I could begin my time on earth as a mom. After high school I joined the military and during that time discovered I had Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. At that time, not much was known about it (at least by military doctors), and I was told I would not be able to conceive.

This was a hard time. If I couldn't be a mom, then why was I here? Everything I had done up to that point was for "when I had kids". All the different things I had saved so that one day my children could look at them. For example, every card, from every birthday and every event...I figured someday my kids would like to read those, so I saved them. I know it seems ridiculous but, my mother didn't have a lot of things for me to look at from her childhood, and I always wondered, so I figured my kids might enjoy those things.

Anyhow, I was crushed. I couldn't believe that God would do this to such a deserving person.....man, was I self-absorbed. What I came to realize later is that God didn't do anything to me. God blessed me with a desire to be a mother, not an inability to conceive and I soon realized that having a baby naturally was not my only option in becoming a mother.

Then, after a long, long wait....I met Bryan. He's a wonderful man, with soft eyes and a gentle soul. After a couple of years we married however, didn't object to having a child before we made it official. We didn't use birth control, however we knew it would be a very small chance we would have a baby, so this wasn't something we were counting on. I've talked to Bryan several times about having and not having a baby. He is completely open to adoption, but would prefer we try to have a baby of our own too. We have never argued on the matter, as I believe this is just as much his decision as mine, however I do think I would like to adopt someday. I'm grateful for any opportunity to become a mother and I know how many children need a good one. My sister is a social worker, so I am reminded of this constantly and sometimes wonder if Bryan and I are being selfish by trying to have a baby at all.

I started taking Chlomid today. It's a fertility drug that induces ovulation. I had some hot flashes and was sweating at work, but so far, nothing too serious in terms of side effects. Bryan and I are so excited, and are tracking our dates. I will take 4 more pills, and after I've taken those, we are supposed to "try" 5 to 12 days after that. In the meantime, I need to track my temperature and start a calendar. That's kind of what this blog is for too...

Day 3
First Pill
Temp: 98